What happened to my plans for making nutritious food?  It was never going to be grass fed, organic, low carb, paleo, macrobiotic, pro-gut-flora, vegan homemade fare but it was definitely not going to be the snack size packets of pretzels!  Why are my good fine liners ruined and dried out?  Why does my carpet have whiteboard marker scribbles? And where did the Montessori methodology of a small number of toys in reachable baskets that were put away before the next came out go?  The house proud domestic goddess within has shut herself in a small room and dreams of a happier place where just traversing a room doesn’t involve chance encounters with bricks, balls, puzzle pieces, pencils, many magnets and potentially more than one toothbrush!  And what the hell happened to the no screen before two years of age rule?  So perfectly planned daily outings and activities don’t happen but more radio than TV would be a nice start… (she laments whilst typing with the toddler on her lap who is watching music videos on the other screen!?!)

I guess reality happened. And education happened.  Toddlers have so little control of their lives and so little control of their emotions you just have to empathise and pick your battles…   Step one is a quick check of the reason why I want a different outcome to her, and if its because of mess or expectations or something else non-life threatening, then step two is fall back to a default: ‘just say yes’.  Understanding that to her this isn’t about manipulation or power in a traditional sense she is just doing and learning all day. (Although why doing and learning all day involves so much mess or walking up and down the same set of stairs over and over is sometimes incomprehensible!)  This parenting gig is already so draining I can’t imagine fighting her every decision because it inconveniences me.  I also cannot imagine not respecting her enough to explain my decisions or not providing emotional support when she is upset irrespective of its cause.

To answer my own question I think I became ‘that mum’ when I became Riley’s mum.

I’ll finish with a poem I wrote on a bad day… and whilst she is plugged in, I might head over to google and look up a few new craft activities to replace some of that TV time…

My skin is dull, my hair goes grey,
My baby loves me anyway.
The wash piles up. The house? a mess!
Can’t remember my last decent rest…
There’s snot, there’s poop, there are tears and spew,
Thankfully joy and laughter too.
Some days last weeks – I’ve lost all of me,
You demand love and support constantly.
But you’re only small for a little time,
And the hand you reach for won’t always be mine.
You’ll wave goodbye as you walk away,
Not needing my entire day.
So I’ll remember to cherish hugs grime and all,
And ignore texta on carpets and bath water on walls.
I’ll reminisce about your inscenstent chatter,
Knowing the mess etc. just didn’t matter.

For more info on the definition of gentle/attachment/authoritive parenting check this out.  (And yes, I know buying that jar of sprinkles wasn’t very authoritative at all!)  And here’s a fun read from a mum trying authoritative parenting for a week.

The post When did I become that mum? appeared first on Miranda Mayle Photography.

The theme for International Babywearing Week’s  ninth annual celebration is Threaded Together. The inspiration for the theme comes from the many different threads that when combined through the weaving process form all of the carriers we use. All of these individual threads, once woven, create a material in the same way individuals and groups worldwide come together to create a global babywearing community.

I got to document a baby wearing event organised this week by a local parenting group (Southern Natural Parenting Network), kinda a buy, swap, sell event with heaps of knowledge sharing and just good community support and socialising.  For pics of cute kids and carriers, you can checkout the full album on my biz page, or some highlights in my recent work.

Onto my story: I always wanted to wear Riley because a) you can use two hands and do stuff and b) I’m one of those people that hates other people with prams.  I totally understand prams have a place, but being stuck behind one just makes me rage.  When you compare the size of the baby to the size taken up by a pram.. It just doesn’t make sense.  Plus the pack up and pack down.  I’ve never been a fan. (Disclaimer: we do own a pram.  I accept that some days you just don’t want to carry a 27th time, or the day is going to be super long, or you need somewhere to stash the shopping.  Ours gets used maybe once a month)

I originally started with a K’tan stretchy structured wrap (ie. not a long piece of material) and didn’t have much success feeling Riley was safe and secure.  I also tried a mama way ring sling and honestly never felt I could take both arms away (when she was small).  It did however distribute her weight so I could carry her for much longer, and she would sleep in it – a miracle piece of equipment for just that.  In hindsight, I should’ve sucked up my ignorance and excessive youtubing and headed to a local baby wearing meet to learn how to get the best out of these baby carriers.  When you get a bit more freedom and independence, you get to be more of the you you were prior to the baby, and that is worth getting as soon as possible.

My biggest carrier purchase, and an item I’ve used every day since Riley could hold up her own head is my Juno by Mountain Buggy.  It fits both my husband and myself comfortably, it comes with the infant insert, can front, back and side carry and although the manufacturer touts how wonderful the hug pockets are (pockets you can put your hands into and hug the baby), I think the magnetic clasp is its best feature.  It is super easy to do up behind you as the magnets snap it together.  The downside? It does have pockets to carry your phone and keys – but good luck getting to them with a kid in the carrier.  Accessories you might wish to consider are suck pads for the straps, which go in the wash when gross from baby spit, rather than loosing a day or two to washing the entire carrier, and baby wearing outer wear that has room for both your heads.  Mind you to save $$ I have a fleece jacket a few sizes too big that does a similar job, and the best hack I’ve seen is buying two hoodies – wearing one and zipping connecting the other across the front.

Aside from the boring essentials like walking the dog, shopping, hanging out wash etc, baby wearing allows us to roller skate and I can take photographs.  She gets bumped on the head by the camera a lot less these days 😛

[dropcap type=”square”]M [/dropcap]iranda

p.s. I’m not affiliated with any of these brands, just what’s worked for me…

The post Babywearing for the win… appeared first on Miranda Mayle Photography.

I have a theory that people go back for more kids to average out the cost per child. 😛  There is also a lot of marketing out there that’s sole purpose is to make you feel guilty if you’ve not purchased the best (read: expensive) and many, many items for your darling new arrival and it’s a crock!  I put the baby industry in the same bucket as the wedding industry with over-inflated pricing and heaps of hype to keep you paying just to keep up with the Jonses.

Let me come clean first: I’m a Marie Condo convert, budding minimalist and have de-cluttered my wardrobe and most of the house (as I’m definitely a believer that external clutter clutters my brain!)  I’m also an avid budgeter and planner (aka addicted to spreadsheets), and I like to think I’m thrifty where possible (although some things are worth investing in).  Obviously all babies are different and your lifestyle will differ to mine so adapt or ignore as you please.

I also call myself a hippie parent, which may mean you do some things differently to me and that’s fine.  I don’t want this text to spark a debate on parenting styles – this is what I believe and what works for me so as above – adapt or ignore as required.

Buyer’s remorse…

My biggest baby buying regret was getting things early.  And it hurts to type that, as I’m always proud of my research and preparedness skills and my Boy Scout style.  Plus the nesting instinct was strong in this one.  I had my Love to Dream swaddles sitting there ready to go in a range of sizes and weights for different weather conditions ready to swaddle baby Riley and so ensure our uninterrupted sleep and then Bam! Riley arrives and hates being swaddled…  so the first thing you do not have to buy for a new baby is:

You don’t have to buy one of everything in every style

Wait until you’ve found an item that works for you and then go out and buy a bazillion of them.  It took me a while to comprehend that life continues after the baby, and that you can shop after the baby arrives, (admittedly you now pack more stuff for even the shortest trip and are at the mercy of the mood of said new baby but there is this new fangled thang called the interwebz if exiting the abode is not an option).  From this lesson flows thing what I learnt the hard way number two:

Leave the tags on and keep the receipts

which is very hard when the nester in you demands you wash and fold all the new things and put them in the cupboard in size order (ignoring the tags, but comparing the physical sizes of items).

You don’t have to buy new

Think op shops, op shops and second hand places.  So much cute, so little cost.  Babies are small for such a short time, there is so little wear and tear on most baby clothes, they really are the perfect item for recycling.  If you pick the wrong size or season, tis not an issue if you didn’t spend a heap on them.  If you can, wait until after the baby shower to shop and do you don’t duplicate any gifts received (if you’re having one).  And you don’t have to limit yourself to clothes – prams, car seats, play mats, bath seats etc are all out there. It’s a buyer’s market on second hand baby gear with super low resale prices so grab those hand me downs from the cousins, checkout ebay and join the local facebook baby buy, swap and sell group.

You also don’t need…

…anything that has buttons or requires turning the baby over to get it on!

Go with zips or press studs.  Not many new babies are cheery about being dressed or undressed (the process, not the state).  You’re asleep, sleep deprived, its dark, the baby is crying and the suit needs an emergency change – just go the zip!

…hooded baby towels
You don’t actually need baby towels with hoods – any old towel will do.  Do invest in a packet of terry towel nappies, for burping, putting down under baby who may vom or drool at any time (meaning less sheet changes), using on change tables when you’re out and about etc. etc.  These are an essential.

…expensive cot blankets

Head to spotlight. Buy polar fleece. Cut to size. It doesn’t fray so no sewing required. I made so many (read: too many) cute patterned blankets on the cheap.

…baby food
About six months down the track check out baby led weaning.

…a bazillion skin care products
Babies can be pretty much cleaned with water.  Yes to nappy cream, anything else is optional.

…a fancy change table
we use a trestle table and a cardboard box.  Yes, it’s as cheap as it sounds!  You can check it out here.  We understand nappies are a temporary thing and having a dedicated piece of furniture wasn’t for us.  Adding a mat to chest of drawers or existing piece of furniture you own is a great option, if our shabby chic industrial look ain’t for you.

…a ginormous nappy bag
I’m going to be hated by trendy mum’s everywhere.  We use a regular sized Star Wars tote bag and a lot of the time it doesn’t leave the car.  In the early days I did have an emergency stash in both our cars which included a towel, change of clothes, spare nappies, bib, hat, sunscreen and dummy.  This means my mobile kit was just the wetbag containing a couple of nappies, wipes and cream, plus a muslin cloth for blanket slash change mat slash picnic rug slash shopping trolley liner and a small toy.  As she’s grown we’ve added her cup and a snack.  That’s it.  I can feel the glares.

And you might not need….

My other big f**, I mean stuff up involved where the baby would sleep… Riley’s resting place did not go to plan.  I fell in love with the Finnish baby box many moons ago.  The concept appealed as did the SIDS reduction statistics so I ordered one as soon as we’d passed the 12 week mark.  Although pricey, mine came filled with over 50 gorgeous baby essentials (some we have used a lot, others like the snowsuit that fit her in summer, we did not) and more importantly the box is where baby sleeps initially.  I was excited as it was easily moved around the house for naps or nighttime  and I busily sewed more mattress protectors and sheets for it.  Riley loved being in the clear plastic box in the hospital so I was optimistic about the box at home.  When I got her home however, I realized she loved the perspex box because she could see out of it, and putting her in the clean white cardboard box was worse than baby prison (aka a cot) and was more like baby mental asylum.  Suffice to say the two sleeps she had in the box cost me as much per night as a luxury hotel.  We found a great little co-sleeper with net sides that could sit in between us in bed that became her permanent home until her elbows touched the sides but when searching for the box replacement I stupidly purchase a bassinet sized baby prison because the maternal health nurse does an initial home visit and I wanted to keep up the appearance that we were following the western world baby rearing norm.  Again, a very high price for two naps and a maternal health nurse lookover.  It did however take the same size sheets I made for the box and was excellent storage for toys and crap you usually throw on the floor of the bedroom.  After doing my research on safe bedsharing practices and dropping the mummy guilt associated with it, Riley joined us in the king size bed with arms outstretched and smiles all around.  (I blogged here about our bed sharing.) We also never needed a baby monitor, cos y’know, proximity.

So you might not need a cot or a cardboard box. You definitely don’t need baby cutlery marketed at three month age intervals and yet I still have them in the drawer even though they are basically the same product! Sighs…  So what did you buy in preparation for your new baby but never used?

[dropcap type=”square”] M [/dropcap]iranda

The post What not to buy for your new baby appeared first on Miranda Mayle Photography.

The caveat: I’m no expert and do not know your personal circumstance – take any advice at your own risk.  I’m also not judging you – this is what I do and it works for me – would be great if you don’t judge me in return.  Happy for open communication and educating others, just don’t be a douche.

Forget the clock

Sleep deprivation is bad enough but knowing how little sleep you are actually getting makes it worse.  Feeding the baby at night and looking at the shiny digital clock display telling you you’ve been awake every am hour so far isn’t helpful.  Turn that clock around so you can’t see it.  Thinking about how it’s only been two hours since the last feed, or keeping track of how few hours of broken sleep you’ve had in a 24 hour period doesn’t help!   Thinking of scarcity increases it.  Instead roll with your baby’s natural rhythms and just accept you’re tired (yep, super-dooper-never-been-more-tired-in-my-life tired) but exactly how tired doesn’t matter…

Learn to feed laying down/Ditch the guilt

Okay so that kinda looks like two things there – I promise they are linked.  For me breastfeeding in bed was a game changer.  The nurses at the hospital taught me and I thought I’d never use it. Instead of having to get up, get baby, feed baby (and for me that’s sitting up with pillows supporting me, pillows supporting the baby, so get up, position pillows, position baby, re-position pillows, feed baby), potentially burp baby, resettle baby, resettle baby, resettle baby, try and fall asleep whilst thinking about how short a time it will be til baby wakes again.. night feeds became: roll over, attach baby, both fall back to sleep.  Yup.  Magic.

This does mean you are now officially bed sharing, not just co-sleeping (co-sleeping is having the baby sleep in the same room, usually on their own sleep surface).  In my world bed sharing isn’t common and comes with a heap of guilt regarding SIDS.  So I did my research.  Assessed the risks.  Spoke about them with my partner.  Enjoyed my new found super power: feeding baby and getting more sleep at night.  And then ditched the guilt.  Having a happy, content, sleeping baby in your armpit is pretty much perfection as you drift back to sleep.

A sneaky third point…

Read some literature and gets some realistic expectations on infant sleep.  Babies are not designed to sleep through, nor fall asleep by themselves.  Life becomes much easier when you accept your baby is normal and you are not alone in your ‘there is not enough coffee in the world’ zombie state.   Pinky McKay’s Why your newborn SHOULDN’T sleep all night article is a great place to start.

A couple of notes on safe sleeping practices…

No matter where your baby sleeps, SIDS and Kids have put Safe Sleeping guidelines for parents:

1. Sleep baby on the back from birth, not on the tummy or side
2. Sleep baby with head and face uncovered
3. Keep baby smoke free before birth and after
4. Provide a safe sleeping environment night and day
5. Sleep baby in their own safe sleeping place in the same room as an adult care-giver for the first six to twelve months
6. Breastfeed baby
(full info here)

To minimise risks when bed sharing, you’ll need a firm sleep surface, non smoking parents who are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, a breastfed baby, no blankets or doonas etc near the baby’s head and more.  Check out safe co-sleeping guidelines here and for more detailed information of bed sharing risk statistics and reporting checkout this article at evolutionary parenting.

The post What I wish I knew on surviving baby sleep… appeared first on Miranda Mayle Photography.

On her birthday, both the husband and I wrote very eloquent posts on facebook singing her virtues and the joy she adds to our life. Whilst all true I thought it would be remiss to not provide the counter to that.  So often social media is only the A side, so here’s the B side for anyone that’s ever felt a little crap when celebrating someone else’s perceived perfection.

Parenting is hard. Yup – totally rewarding, worth it, etc etc, blah blah and ridiculously hard.  Turns out I’m quite a crunchy parent (yeah – I didn’t know what it meant when I started the gig either – means I’m more hippie than most) and that involves a fair thwack of sacrifice. (Not that non-crunchy parents don’t make sacrifices..)  (sighs, this is gunna be a brackets heavy post as I have to counter my own arguments every sentence!)  And a funny aside, I’m into hippie parenting because I did my research… anyways I digress – that’s a blog topic for another day.

I want to caveat this whole post with – no, I don’t think I’m a bad parent.  Yes, I could be a better parent.  Although some days parenting is brutal, Riley is always safe and loved. I do have a support network I can call on if things get dire.  I’m no expert and do not know your personal circumstance – take any advice at your own risk.  I’m also not judging you – this is what I do and it works for me – would be great if you don’t judge me in return.  Happy for open communication and educating others, just don’t be a douche.

It hasn’t been all rainbows and unicorns recently.  I found myself, for the first time with some actual regret.  We were watching Nottinghill, and the end scene where they’re in the park relaxed and pregnant – in my head I’m screaming “don’t do it! it all changes!”

Sleep deprivation is a fine balancing act. You’re body seems to adjust somehow to the broken sleep you get, but if it then dips after one hard night you can kiss your sense of reason or ability to remain calm for longer than .2 of a second goodbye.  And just when you think there is a bit of a sleep routine – it will change. Everyone says ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’. I have been trying for over a year and have maybe managed two naps for myself.  And why does your bloody brain turn on from say 10pm to 2am every single night when the husband, the baby and the dog are snoring around you?

Separation anxiety can be crippling.  It was pretty exciting a few months back when things changed and I can now do stuff in the kitchen whilst the baby plays in the lounge – seriously less 6 metres away in full sight.  Is it sad I was excited I could empty the rubbish bin? (because that is bloody hard to do one handed whilst holding a baby…)  I have been completely away from her for a few hours maybe three or four times in the past year.  It is my choice and I do it happily 99.8%. I am a very big believer of long days, short years, and in the scheme of things she will be confident and independent in the blink of an eye. Yet part of me would occasionally like to power down the mum module. This is where I would insert the ‘go to the toilet by myself’ cliche however I can go to the bathroom by myself when someone else is home.  Except that husband thinks it’s hilarious to put the baby outside the door…

Mommy guilt. We decided to have a small birthday celebration, on a week night with family.  I rationalised she wouldn’t remember it and we’re on a tight budget now I’m doing the stay at home mom thang so it made sense.  Didn’t stop me from feeling like a terrible parent for not pulling out all the stops.  As mentioned above, a lack of sleep can make you question even the most logical of your decisions.

Teething.  It should be a horror movie title.  We’ve actually been lucky, with only a grizzly night or two as the teeth come through, but then there is the biting. Whist breastfeeding.  Grating small slivers of skin off your nipple and then trying to feed again in a few hours should (probably already is) a torture technique.  Our breastfeeding journey nearly ended at 8 months when the teeth arrived.  I tried everything from stopping the feed to growling like a mother lion.  I sought strategies from literate, the ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) and Facebook parenting groups.  In the end locking her head in the crook of my elbow and bring her closer if she clamped down minimised the problem.  I also find having a plan ready helps, ie. if she bites we’ll go run that errand and try again later.  And then it stops for a while til the next teeth come through.. gah.  I have had to resort to punching pillows, swearing and leaving the room as it really feels like abuse.  I don’t know what else to call it.  Add the pinching fingernails and a few kicks in the gut and the mental game is a shambles.  How do you reconcile the innocent loving baby who is not malicious continually causing you physical pain?  Why do you keep putting yourself through it?  I still don’t have a full answer.

In summary? A little regret is normal, and totally okay if its fleeting, things have changed forever and you can expect to miss what you once had.  Last week was bad, the biting was back, my sleep was suffering and I was heaping mummy guilt on myself for only having a small get together for her birthday.  This week the biting has died back a little so my sanity returns little by little and the small party was a big success (complete with hippie broccoli chips and cashew frosting).  Although I didn’t sleep til 5am last night because a) she had a fever and would only sleep if I functioned as her dummy and b) I think a double shot coffee at 7pm isn’t smart, waking to her smile and bed hair – I can happily report there are zero regrets.

The post Huzzah – we kept her alive for a year! appeared first on Miranda Mayle Photography.

She’s quite experienced at avoiding a camera to the head whilst sitting in the carrier:

blends in with the most elegant of settings, minimising editing later:

networks and builds rapport with clients:

and will critique shots as required:

In all seriousness, I’m super lucky to be able to take my baby with me on photo shoots  – not an option in my previous 9 to 5 corporate life.  Big thanks to everyone that welcomes her in our photography travels.

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