We’re getting to the stage where things outside of our little family unit will influence Riley.  One day soon she’ll stop doing something that she loves because of a gender stereotype.  I don’t want her to stop wanting the rocket socks because they’re for boys or to start fishing for compliments on her appearance because that is all she is hearing (rather than praise for her courage, problem solving abilities etc) and so associates appearance with self worth.  There are no girl or boy colors or activities – there are just kids!

I need to take action!

Who’s with me?

And what can we do?

I want to start local but think the big chain stores ain’t a great place to start.  So how do I bring up with my local kids clothing store and op shops about sorting clothes by size and color versus gender? The new configuration won’t stop you from buying pink or blue, and you might even buy something you may not have seen within the default sorting.  Its not the boys collection or the girls spring/summer release – its just clothes!!  How do I strike up that conversation and not look like a crazed hippy mom?  Hit me up with all the suggestions!!  How do we make this a movement, inspire and educate?  How do we get an avalanche of support so there is pressure to change?  I want the coles plastic bag backflip scale!!  And what’s a good hashtag?

This will be a good primer activity before tackling school uniforms in a couple of years…

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So I challenge you to replace the words girl and boy in your vocabulary for a day with kid, or child or a gender neutral equivalent.  For extra bonus points, listen for it in others and either a) rephrase in your head or b) have a discussion on the impact it may have. (And why do labels matter?  A little info in this blog post)

Over my day, here are a few of the things I noticed:

I started with our usual routine which includes walking the dog walk.  Stopped at the traffic lights and said “We’ve got to wait for the man to turn green”.  Hmm.. why is a man telling us what to do?  No I don’t want the signal indicator changed to a person wearing a dress… As you may or may not have noticed, girls also wear pants.  So I can just change my terminology: “We’ve got to wait for the signal to turn green” or “We’ve got to wait for the green person to say its safe to cross the road”. Mischief managed!

I’m researching a busy board to build for my toddler.  The google search returns an image of a board decorated with hazzard tape and the slogan “CAUTION: BOY AT PLAY”.  They’ve obviously never seen my house after tiny tornado Riley hits… *rolls eyes*

The baby owns a mix of clothes – all colors and styles.  More often than not its blues and grey with little embellishment, so many people assume she’s a boy based on her clothing.  A cashier the other day complimented her handsome hair.  She said it was beautiful, but she shouldn’t call it beautiful – so it was handsome.  I eventually corrected the gender assumption – cos hey – 50-50 chance at this age right?  But can someone please explain to me why a boy can’t have beautiful hair?

Making a hairdresser appointment I see their latest post on Facebook: “WooooHooooo its beach weather!!  Book in to get your kids haircut before heading to the beach this summer….shorter hair on boys will make sun-screening ears and necks so much easier and washing out sand a breeze & girls with a lovely trim will prevent sun damage to fragile ends and combing after swimming far less a struggle”.  Think I need to try for bonus points when I take the baby in for her fringe trim.

Then something more puzzling that genderist – a poster in a store: Bows make everything better.  Yeah there was a picture of a girl wearing a big hairbow but I didn’t take that as meaning the product was only for girls.  I just seriously do not understand how a bow does that.  Probably with far less calories than a cookie.. but still…?!?

Also – I don’t understand why department stores separate ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ clothes – surely if everyone walked past every item you’d make greater sales.  And there has to be a saving on printing if you drop the words boy and girl too right? 😛  I walk through both departments and more often than not buy from boys as its usually a more durable material and I prefer the colors and styles (why a girls tee needs gathering in the sleeves is beyond me).  Am off to  plan how I’ll explain to Riley that wanting rockets on your socks doesn’t make you a boy even if the socks are labelled boys…

So what gender labels did you encounter that just didn’t need to be there?

(cover image based on https://www.theodysseyonline.com/living-without-labels-gender-neutrality-and-sexual-fluidity)

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So the family next to us had ordered happy meals and received two toys that had from my peripheral glance pink ballgown attired characters. The dad takes one from his son and asks a passing staff member (not politely mind you.. but again not central to the story) if they can swap for a boy toy.  Enter my ire part 1 – Did you ask your son what he preferred? No.  My ire part 2 – what makes this princess figure a girl toy or boy toy anyway?  It doesn’t need a gender label.

The staff member comes back and does the swap.  The father hands over the so labelled ‘boy toy’ with words to the effect “that’s better”.  My ire part 3 – wtf?  I’m so very distressed by the message you just sent both your son and daughter.

Why do labels matter?  Studies have shown just by labeling children boys and girls, whilst still treating each group with no favoritism or competition nor expressing any stereotypes, the children still formed stereotypes about the groups after only four weeks.  Both boys and girls were more likely to say only men can be doctors and only women can be nurturing and kind.  Four weeks! And its not even limited to gender – split the kids into red group and blue group and vast sweeping statements about each groups behaviour are formed ie. all blue kids act one way, leading to segregation and playing within only their group.  The control group in this study would wear the colored shirts but not be referred to as the color or sorted by the color – they were treated as individuals and in the control group the stereotypes and bias attitudes just didn’t form. (Reference: Parenting beyond pink and blue by Christia Spears Brown, PHD)

“There is absolutely no behavior that all boys or all girls do – not one.”
Christia Spears Brown

Please try and minimise gender segregation:  Ask your kid if he wants the princess or whatever the hell the other item was, ask for the other item by its content not your perceived bias on which gender wants to play with it and do not validate one gender as better or more appropriate than the other, especially in front of your child of the opposite gender.

If you need me I’ll be over here still muttering under my breath…

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Then don’t get me started on not allowing coloured hair and school staff or visitors having to cover up tattoos. I have blue hair and many of my friend have tattoos. It’s not the dye or ink that makes you a good or bad person. FFS. More role modelling behaviours and less policing appearances is required.

And banning cartwheels? If you think seeing a child’s underwear when they are actively playing is evil or somehow sexual it is you that needs to be removed, not the cartwheel.

I cannot fathom how far from common sense we have strayed. Although if I need further evidence I need look no further than my letter box… :(…

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