but I’m not photogenic…

Photogenic: A subject (generally a person) is photogenic if appearing aesthetically or physically attractive or appealing in photographs. 

“But I’m not photogenic” you declare.

I call bulls**t!

This translates to ‘I’m not comfortable in my skin’ (and why are you judging your self worth on your appearance anyways?!?)

Not liking how you look in photos is very common.  I guess I’m just over people labeling themselves ‘unphotogenic’ rather than owning their feelings about their appearance.  There is obviously a big difference between a candid snap wearing pj’s on your phone in twilight versus a glamorous makeover with studio lighting and shape-wear for days, but the glow of self confidence that shines from within doesn’t dull.  Who defines this aesthetically appealing criteria anyways? Even an unflattering shot is a shot of you.  And you’re going to want to remember you doing the ordinary stuff not just looking perfectly un-posed, whilst posing insta-glamorous…

So exist in photos whether they be selfies or you get a professional to help minimise your photogenic angst…

Own you. Love you. Cos only you can do you.

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Why do you want to lose weight? If its to look better cos society says I should and that’s the only way I have worth, we need to change that perspective.  If its to look better which makes me feel better then that’s an improvement.  How about wanting to be healthier? How about wanting your body to be able to do a heap of amazing stuff (and amazing as defined by you – from climbing a flight of stairs without dying to keeping up with the kids through to tackling a half marathon – your body, your yardstick!)?  How about having more energy, sleeping better, maybe making new friends, better mental health and being proud of your body and just living more?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BcoyXRCDOv3/?taken-by=mirandaskatemayle

^^my kind of active

A couple of things I’ve learnt:

–> toned body looks better than jiggly body, and that’s irrespective of my weight.  Muscle does way more than fat, so I may weigh more but I look leaner. My still large thighs look heaps better full of muscle than cellulite – truth!

–> muscle weighs more than fat.  I have pictures of me at the same weight at different times in my life.. kinda pre-derby and post-derby and although that mass measurement at both times might be identical, how I looked and how I felt were not!!  If you do have to measure anything – use the tape measure on your waist, hips and thighs – as these numbers drastically differed unlike the number on the scales.  If my goal when joining derby was to lose weight I would’ve failed even though I was healthier, stronger, fitter, leaner, looking and feeling better etc.

–> the number on the scales doesn’t actually define anything important. It doesn’t tell me how many laps I can skate in 5 minutes or how many kilometers I can outdoor skate with a 15kg baby strapped to my back.  It doesn’t tell my how many times I can throw said baby in the air til my arms give out or how many jams I can get back out on the track in a row and be effective.  It doesn’t determine my will power when it comes to walking past the ice cream truck after a long outdoor skate or derby bout.  It doesn’t define my intelligence, nor dictate if I’m a good friend, wife and mother, nor determine my earning potential.  It can’t even accurately predict what size clothing I wear.  All it does is gives me another way to beat myself up that is so freaking arbitrary to meaningful outcomes in my life.

I implore you – ditch the weight loss resolution and retire your scales.  Getting out and getting active is going to do amazing things for more than just your body with a highly probable side effect of losing weight.  Throw out the need to continuously define your self worth based on the number in pounds or kilograms and rephrase that resolution into something more meaningful to you.

[dropcap type=”square”]M [/dropcap]iranda (who no longer weighs herself and is much happier because of it)

This Girl Can VIC‘s new year resolution is pretty ambitious: They aim to get 180,000 people more physically active playing sport and walking by 2019 (with a focus on women and girls).  Share your story about getting active in 2018 to support, encourage and inspire others via This Girl Can Victoria community:

• This Girl Can website: www.thisgirlcan.com.au
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/ThisGirlCanVIC
• Instagram: www.instagram.com/ThisGirlCanVIC
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/ThisGirlCanVIC
• YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/VicHealthMedia
• Hashtag #ThisGirlCanVIC

This Girl Can by VicHealth encourages women to get active: “This Girl Can celebrates women who are all kinds of active. Women who are giving their all, or giving it a go, but not giving a damn!” I am a This Girl Can Victoria Ambassador. However, the views expressed here are my views only and not those of VicHealth.

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This last year I have worked on my self worth a lot.  My aim is to be content.  I’ve always had a project on the go, never ending to do lists and a drive to keep ticking things off so that things will then be perfect.  Its a flawed system.  Happiness is always unattainable as there is always something more to do to get me there.  I’m also good at not doing things in case I fail.  If you don’t put in 100% you can use that as an excuse for not being successful.  Also a flawed system.  I’ve done some great work with ‘More Confidence‘ (highly recommend) this year and am much better able to focus on the here and now and live in the moment.  I’ve gotten more selfish with both my actions and my time and there has really been a positive impact on my life and excitingly there has also been zero negative impact on those around me (contrary to my expectations).  The thing I still want to work on though is celebrating the successes – mine and especially the success of others.

I really did grow up a mean girl.  Not on the outside with flawless hair and teeth, gorgeous besties and rampant high school popularity.  But on the inside – hating anyone who achieved more or did better than I did.  Having to criticise and nit pick others to make myself feel good.  Why do we think a put down moves us up?  And in hindsight it damages me more than anyone else.  So this year I truly want to celebrate the success of others – I want it to inspire me, motivate me and to learn from it.  I want to help others achieve success – warm fuzzies for all involved.  And I want to aim for, accept and celebrate my success without guilt or apology.  Success without the but…

Wish me luck…

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Some days I don’t love reality.  When you’re surviving on night naps not sleep.  When you’ve been pinched, scratched and bitten way more than you can handle.  When you’ve had to clean poop from the bath.  When you’ve worn out the ‘long days, short years’ mantra by saying it so many times it no longer holds meaning.  When exhausted, grumpy baby just won’t just surrender to a nap.  Y’know those days…   And even though you want a bit of escapism and to just zone out on social media – it makes everything so much worse.  Because you just end up comparing yourself to everyone else’s perfect life.

News flash – social media isn’t a documentary.  It isn’t an autobiography.  It isn’t even reality TV where there is some dramatisation to garner more viewers.  It’s contrived, curated, created to best highlight our perfect lives, meals, holidays, homes, hobbies…  And sometimes that hurts.  When you can’t see the floor for the toys and the washing; when you haven’t served a nutritious meal in the last 48 hours; when you haven’t left the house let alone contemplated a holiday, it can be really hard to celebrate other’s successes.

Let’s do something about it.  What if we all posted some reality occasionally? Challenged the social media colored glasses with some authenticity and vulnerability.  Surely that would contribute to actual social connectedness and real support?  I don’t think there should be shame or embarrassment in the imperfect.  And who gets to define perfect anyways?

I like to remind myself that there would be no good times if there weren’t bad times.  If there wasn’t a contrast, the highs wouldn’t be as high.  And you can’t live life to the fullest in emotional middle ground.  I also think it helps to have a stockpile of memories of the ‘better’ times.  A happy place you can go to to remind you of why the not so better times are worth it.  One of my go to’s when the baby seems inconsolable is to remember that historically she has always stopped crying.  And be present in those better moments – don’t zone out – maximise them.

There’s a heap of evidence now on how being grateful makes you happier.  Do take the time to list three things you’re grateful for every day.   When you wake up or before you go to bed or perhaps the best time to do that is when reality is hard.

I’m grateful I’ve only had to clean a poopy bath once.

And here is a proof that my Smiley Riley ain’t always all that:

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I believe gender stereo types limit all genders

I believe gender/identity differs from sex/biology and its a spectrum, and you don’t get a choice

I believe marriage between two consenting adults will not unravel the space time continuum

I believe feminism is not a bad word, that men can be feminists and that equality doesn’t have to come at the expense of others

I believe in leading by example

I believe owning less does bring more joy

I believe one person can make a difference and from that ripples large transformation

I believe in climate change

I need to believe small changes matter like not using single-use plastics and up-cycling versus buying new

I need to believe there are more good one peoples in this word than evil

I believe the children are the future and we need to stop fucking up the world we’re leaving for them

What do you believe in?

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