Being flown up to Cairns for the launch of the newest Babes Project centre…? Don’t mind if I do! I enjoy all the time I spend at the Babes – so many opportunities for cute photos of divine babies and adorable kids!  I honestly look forward to every shoot with them.  And to top it all off I get to hear the emotional stories of women finding their power and owning motherhood with the help and support of the The Babes Project.  Listening to how thankful mothers who undertake the program are, makes me so thankful that I get to contribute to such an amazing organisation.  My biggest reward is capturing the emotion, power or connection in a photograph and allowing the Babes story to be shared.  And from a technical perspective I love the diversity of the photographic opportunities I get working with the Babes – including headshots, product flatlays, lifestyle images of mothers and children, capturing the mood at events, encountering not so perfect lighting or spaces – all makes for a very enjoyable challenge.

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We’re getting to the stage where things outside of our little family unit will influence Riley.  One day soon she’ll stop doing something that she loves because of a gender stereotype.  I don’t want her to stop wanting the rocket socks because they’re for boys or to start fishing for compliments on her appearance because that is all she is hearing (rather than praise for her courage, problem solving abilities etc) and so associates appearance with self worth.  There are no girl or boy colors or activities – there are just kids!

I need to take action!

Who’s with me?

And what can we do?

I want to start local but think the big chain stores ain’t a great place to start.  So how do I bring up with my local kids clothing store and op shops about sorting clothes by size and color versus gender? The new configuration won’t stop you from buying pink or blue, and you might even buy something you may not have seen within the default sorting.  Its not the boys collection or the girls spring/summer release – its just clothes!!  How do I strike up that conversation and not look like a crazed hippy mom?  Hit me up with all the suggestions!!  How do we make this a movement, inspire and educate?  How do we get an avalanche of support so there is pressure to change?  I want the coles plastic bag backflip scale!!  And what’s a good hashtag?

This will be a good primer activity before tackling school uniforms in a couple of years…

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Checkout images from The Babes Project International Women’s Day brunch here

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What happened to my plans for making nutritious food?  It was never going to be grass fed, organic, low carb, paleo, macrobiotic, pro-gut-flora, vegan homemade fare but it was definitely not going to be the snack size packets of pretzels!  Why are my good fine liners ruined and dried out?  Why does my carpet have whiteboard marker scribbles? And where did the Montessori methodology of a small number of toys in reachable baskets that were put away before the next came out go?  The house proud domestic goddess within has shut herself in a small room and dreams of a happier place where just traversing a room doesn’t involve chance encounters with bricks, balls, puzzle pieces, pencils, many magnets and potentially more than one toothbrush!  And what the hell happened to the no screen before two years of age rule?  So perfectly planned daily outings and activities don’t happen but more radio than TV would be a nice start… (she laments whilst typing with the toddler on her lap who is watching music videos on the other screen!?!)

I guess reality happened. And education happened.  Toddlers have so little control of their lives and so little control of their emotions you just have to empathise and pick your battles…   Step one is a quick check of the reason why I want a different outcome to her, and if its because of mess or expectations or something else non-life threatening, then step two is fall back to a default: ‘just say yes’.  Understanding that to her this isn’t about manipulation or power in a traditional sense she is just doing and learning all day. (Although why doing and learning all day involves so much mess or walking up and down the same set of stairs over and over is sometimes incomprehensible!)  This parenting gig is already so draining I can’t imagine fighting her every decision because it inconveniences me.  I also cannot imagine not respecting her enough to explain my decisions or not providing emotional support when she is upset irrespective of its cause.

To answer my own question I think I became ‘that mum’ when I became Riley’s mum.

I’ll finish with a poem I wrote on a bad day… and whilst she is plugged in, I might head over to google and look up a few new craft activities to replace some of that TV time…

My skin is dull, my hair goes grey,
My baby loves me anyway.
The wash piles up. The house? a mess!
Can’t remember my last decent rest…
There’s snot, there’s poop, there are tears and spew,
Thankfully joy and laughter too.
Some days last weeks – I’ve lost all of me,
You demand love and support constantly.
But you’re only small for a little time,
And the hand you reach for won’t always be mine.
You’ll wave goodbye as you walk away,
Not needing my entire day.
So I’ll remember to cherish hugs grime and all,
And ignore texta on carpets and bath water on walls.
I’ll reminisce about your inscenstent chatter,
Knowing the mess etc. just didn’t matter.

For more info on the definition of gentle/attachment/authoritive parenting check this out.  (And yes, I know buying that jar of sprinkles wasn’t very authoritative at all!)  And here’s a fun read from a mum trying authoritative parenting for a week.

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The Rebellion Melbourne roller derby tournament brought together 6 division one and 10 division two teams, from across Australia, to battle it out for glory and some shiny trophies.  Our league submitted our A travel team, the Sirens into Div 1, and our B team, the Banshees, hooked up with Diamond Valley Roller Derby to form the Valley of the Banshees team to tackle Div 2.  This weekend also had the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) championships running in Philly over in the US, to determine the number one team in the world (nope – my league did not attend.. well actually one member did: in the audience…)

I love watching derby at its highest level of play and purchased my WFTDA champs watch pass months in advance with so much anticipation.  Our wedding vows included:  “Will you promise to be available to watch the American derby playoffs whilst she yells at the TV, at obscene hours of the morning?” so you can see it pretty darn important to me.  You learn a heap just from watching, its obviously entertaining, plus Australia’s own Victorian Roller Derby League (VRDL) were hot contenders for the Hydra (the trophy) this year after coming 3rd the last two years.  VRDL are already huge winners in my eyes.   The league pioneered derby in Australia, making it much easier for other leagues to start up and be successful.  They are world leaders in skills, drills and strategy and with generous spirits share that knowledge.  It’s amazing to be involved in a sport that has top athletes and coaches on our doorstep, where we’re not a couple of years behind or have to bring out overseas talent.  And most importantly they are so inspirational.  You know they are extraordinary but not such that they magically made it – you’ve seen them work so hard over time.  It allows you to believe it could be you (if you choose to put in that level of dedication).  Plans to cheer on amazing derbies = winning!

So my weekend initially looked like – watch derby online streaming WFTDA champs from 1am til 11amish Sat, Sun and Monday.

Then I added: play 2 games of derby on Saturday 3:15pm and 7:40pm, 1 game on Sunday with the time dependent on the outcomes of games 1 and 2.  I was also honored to be one of the team’s captains this time around, so slightly more pressure and paperwork required.  Humbled and so proud to be a co-captain = winning!

Then the wonderfully talented husband signed on as head photographer for the tournament, meaning we had to be at the event from beginning (early) to end (late) each day.  Did I mention the venue is 1 hours travel away from us?  So purchased additional mobile data, so I could stream the WFTDA champs games to my phone whilst at the more local tournie =winning!

Then because I realised I’d already gone too far – I signed on as at tournie photographer too.  I wouldn’t be shooting the entire time as I was playing, but hoped to get some shots in around my games and give some lens loving to my beloved Banshees.  Have been perfecting the back carry with the baby so that the bigger lenses required for derby won’t boop her on the head whilst I’m shooting = winning!

Then, because I’m an over achiever obviously, I sprained a ligament the week prior.  Go to the physio and am able to train and play with an ankle covered in copious amounts of tape = winning!

Then the baby got a cold (the silver lining got a little dulled here…) The nights prior to champs she was up all night without me having any derby to watch – and then came good about 2am of the first night of champs aka the night before Rebellion… so 3.5 hours sleep for me the day before the tournament… nope.. how about the baby feeling a bit better = winning?

The Baby

I am so proud of the baby this weekend.  These were horribly long days, she wasn’t in perfect health, and the crowds, whistles etc had the potential for total over stimulation.  Not only did she take it all in her stride, but she became a crowd favorite with her duckface and derby hand signals.  Seriously there is nothing cuter than an infant who can ‘call it off’ or signal ‘no pack’.  Having a baby carrier, as usual, is a life saver.  Having crowds and a derby track means constant supervision when she’s out and about on the floor.  If I wanted to actually watch a game, she needed to be in the carrier – yeah I have to walk around, but I get to see the action. In hindsight I probably should’ve used the pram a bit more because her sleeping position in the back carry is horrifying but I’m still very pram adverse…  She really only cried once all weekend and it was totally my fault. I went to take her out of the back carry onto a cushion, and her head missed the cushion!  So much mummy guilt.  Lesson learnt: next time just ask for assistance. Idiot.

The Photography

I do enjoy roller derby photography.  My style is heavily influenced by my husband’s style of sportraiture (sports portraits) capturing emotions and personalities on track versus just the action.  For this, I like to get in close, inside the track, and was not able to this time around whilst wearing the baby (tournament decision for safety – which is fair enough) so it took me a little time to change up my mindset and get into the groove.  I went in with unrealistic expectations on what I could achieve with the baby in my care and the husband as tournie head photographer.  He needed to cover games on both tracks, off track action and ambiance and edit and upload the entire day.  He did an amazing job (and produced amazing images as usual) and understandably wasn’t able to take the baby much.  Whilst a 40 min family portrait shoot is totally doable with just Riley and myself, my expectations on what I can achieve on a full day whilst baby wrangling have been seriously adjusted.

The Derby

So we lost all of our games and came last…  I’m so proud of our first loss – the half time score was 93 to 39, we made some hard decisions and changed things up for a great comeback to bring it within 19 points.  Our second loss was so disappointing.  We played a team that we’d always beaten until recently, and to whom a few of our top skaters had transferred to.  To be honest, they had won the game before we even rolled onto the track, we were just not mentally prepared to win.  I’m not taking anything away from our opponents, they deserved to win, have been working hard and their skills have advanced greatly this year.  They just didn’t deserve to win by 300+ points.

We came into our final game for 5th/6th place missing 3 of our high rotation players – injury, family commitments and going to the hospital with their girlfriend who was injured in a proceeding game.  I am loathe to say a single person is responsible for a win or loss, but in this case, the absence of three skaters did have an impact.  I actually fouled out of this game (accruing 7 penalties – 3 I agreed with, 2 I believe were the incorrect type of penalty but still deserved and 2 I whole heartedly disagree with!) Fouling out is 🙁 but as there were only 20 seconds remaining in the game  🙂 = winning!

I’ve come away from these games with a much clearer sense on how we can structure a winning team and am glad we’ve got our game against our old teammates over and done with.  They went on to win the tournament with us cheering them on the loudest.  It’s also amazing fun playing against people you’ve never played before and so cannot predict what they’ll do next, and the trust and teamwork in your team grows so much at these events.  I feel I was an asset to my team and have some great personal successes and team successes to celebrate.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, VRDL smashed it and are bringing home the Hydra – all 53 pounds of it.  I don’t have the words to express the awe and admiration I feel.  I guess I mostly just want say thanks for showing us what determination and dedication can achieve.

I’m off to edit photos, sleep, take pain killers (stupid DOMS), hug the baby (not sure which order) and try to decide which category this blog goes in… 😉  I hope your weekend was also epic!

p.s. gender stereotypes didn’t end up being mentioned because the roller derby community smashes them xxx

[dropcap type=”square”] M [/dropcap]iranda

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The theme for International Babywearing Week’s  ninth annual celebration is Threaded Together. The inspiration for the theme comes from the many different threads that when combined through the weaving process form all of the carriers we use. All of these individual threads, once woven, create a material in the same way individuals and groups worldwide come together to create a global babywearing community.

I got to document a baby wearing event organised this week by a local parenting group (Southern Natural Parenting Network), kinda a buy, swap, sell event with heaps of knowledge sharing and just good community support and socialising.  For pics of cute kids and carriers, you can checkout the full album on my biz page, or some highlights in my recent work.

Onto my story: I always wanted to wear Riley because a) you can use two hands and do stuff and b) I’m one of those people that hates other people with prams.  I totally understand prams have a place, but being stuck behind one just makes me rage.  When you compare the size of the baby to the size taken up by a pram.. It just doesn’t make sense.  Plus the pack up and pack down.  I’ve never been a fan. (Disclaimer: we do own a pram.  I accept that some days you just don’t want to carry a 27th time, or the day is going to be super long, or you need somewhere to stash the shopping.  Ours gets used maybe once a month)

I originally started with a K’tan stretchy structured wrap (ie. not a long piece of material) and didn’t have much success feeling Riley was safe and secure.  I also tried a mama way ring sling and honestly never felt I could take both arms away (when she was small).  It did however distribute her weight so I could carry her for much longer, and she would sleep in it – a miracle piece of equipment for just that.  In hindsight, I should’ve sucked up my ignorance and excessive youtubing and headed to a local baby wearing meet to learn how to get the best out of these baby carriers.  When you get a bit more freedom and independence, you get to be more of the you you were prior to the baby, and that is worth getting as soon as possible.

My biggest carrier purchase, and an item I’ve used every day since Riley could hold up her own head is my Juno by Mountain Buggy.  It fits both my husband and myself comfortably, it comes with the infant insert, can front, back and side carry and although the manufacturer touts how wonderful the hug pockets are (pockets you can put your hands into and hug the baby), I think the magnetic clasp is its best feature.  It is super easy to do up behind you as the magnets snap it together.  The downside? It does have pockets to carry your phone and keys – but good luck getting to them with a kid in the carrier.  Accessories you might wish to consider are suck pads for the straps, which go in the wash when gross from baby spit, rather than loosing a day or two to washing the entire carrier, and baby wearing outer wear that has room for both your heads.  Mind you to save $$ I have a fleece jacket a few sizes too big that does a similar job, and the best hack I’ve seen is buying two hoodies – wearing one and zipping connecting the other across the front.

Aside from the boring essentials like walking the dog, shopping, hanging out wash etc, baby wearing allows us to roller skate and I can take photographs.  She gets bumped on the head by the camera a lot less these days 😛

[dropcap type=”square”]M [/dropcap]iranda

p.s. I’m not affiliated with any of these brands, just what’s worked for me…

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I have a theory that people go back for more kids to average out the cost per child. 😛  There is also a lot of marketing out there that’s sole purpose is to make you feel guilty if you’ve not purchased the best (read: expensive) and many, many items for your darling new arrival and it’s a crock!  I put the baby industry in the same bucket as the wedding industry with over-inflated pricing and heaps of hype to keep you paying just to keep up with the Jonses.

Let me come clean first: I’m a Marie Condo convert, budding minimalist and have de-cluttered my wardrobe and most of the house (as I’m definitely a believer that external clutter clutters my brain!)  I’m also an avid budgeter and planner (aka addicted to spreadsheets), and I like to think I’m thrifty where possible (although some things are worth investing in).  Obviously all babies are different and your lifestyle will differ to mine so adapt or ignore as you please.

I also call myself a hippie parent, which may mean you do some things differently to me and that’s fine.  I don’t want this text to spark a debate on parenting styles – this is what I believe and what works for me so as above – adapt or ignore as required.

Buyer’s remorse…

My biggest baby buying regret was getting things early.  And it hurts to type that, as I’m always proud of my research and preparedness skills and my Boy Scout style.  Plus the nesting instinct was strong in this one.  I had my Love to Dream swaddles sitting there ready to go in a range of sizes and weights for different weather conditions ready to swaddle baby Riley and so ensure our uninterrupted sleep and then Bam! Riley arrives and hates being swaddled…  so the first thing you do not have to buy for a new baby is:

You don’t have to buy one of everything in every style

Wait until you’ve found an item that works for you and then go out and buy a bazillion of them.  It took me a while to comprehend that life continues after the baby, and that you can shop after the baby arrives, (admittedly you now pack more stuff for even the shortest trip and are at the mercy of the mood of said new baby but there is this new fangled thang called the interwebz if exiting the abode is not an option).  From this lesson flows thing what I learnt the hard way number two:

Leave the tags on and keep the receipts

which is very hard when the nester in you demands you wash and fold all the new things and put them in the cupboard in size order (ignoring the tags, but comparing the physical sizes of items).

You don’t have to buy new

Think op shops, op shops and second hand places.  So much cute, so little cost.  Babies are small for such a short time, there is so little wear and tear on most baby clothes, they really are the perfect item for recycling.  If you pick the wrong size or season, tis not an issue if you didn’t spend a heap on them.  If you can, wait until after the baby shower to shop and do you don’t duplicate any gifts received (if you’re having one).  And you don’t have to limit yourself to clothes – prams, car seats, play mats, bath seats etc are all out there. It’s a buyer’s market on second hand baby gear with super low resale prices so grab those hand me downs from the cousins, checkout ebay and join the local facebook baby buy, swap and sell group.

You also don’t need…

…anything that has buttons or requires turning the baby over to get it on!

Go with zips or press studs.  Not many new babies are cheery about being dressed or undressed (the process, not the state).  You’re asleep, sleep deprived, its dark, the baby is crying and the suit needs an emergency change – just go the zip!

…hooded baby towels
You don’t actually need baby towels with hoods – any old towel will do.  Do invest in a packet of terry towel nappies, for burping, putting down under baby who may vom or drool at any time (meaning less sheet changes), using on change tables when you’re out and about etc. etc.  These are an essential.

…expensive cot blankets

Head to spotlight. Buy polar fleece. Cut to size. It doesn’t fray so no sewing required. I made so many (read: too many) cute patterned blankets on the cheap.

…baby food
About six months down the track check out baby led weaning.

…a bazillion skin care products
Babies can be pretty much cleaned with water.  Yes to nappy cream, anything else is optional.

…a fancy change table
we use a trestle table and a cardboard box.  Yes, it’s as cheap as it sounds!  You can check it out here.  We understand nappies are a temporary thing and having a dedicated piece of furniture wasn’t for us.  Adding a mat to chest of drawers or existing piece of furniture you own is a great option, if our shabby chic industrial look ain’t for you.

…a ginormous nappy bag
I’m going to be hated by trendy mum’s everywhere.  We use a regular sized Star Wars tote bag and a lot of the time it doesn’t leave the car.  In the early days I did have an emergency stash in both our cars which included a towel, change of clothes, spare nappies, bib, hat, sunscreen and dummy.  This means my mobile kit was just the wetbag containing a couple of nappies, wipes and cream, plus a muslin cloth for blanket slash change mat slash picnic rug slash shopping trolley liner and a small toy.  As she’s grown we’ve added her cup and a snack.  That’s it.  I can feel the glares.

And you might not need….

My other big f**, I mean stuff up involved where the baby would sleep… Riley’s resting place did not go to plan.  I fell in love with the Finnish baby box many moons ago.  The concept appealed as did the SIDS reduction statistics so I ordered one as soon as we’d passed the 12 week mark.  Although pricey, mine came filled with over 50 gorgeous baby essentials (some we have used a lot, others like the snowsuit that fit her in summer, we did not) and more importantly the box is where baby sleeps initially.  I was excited as it was easily moved around the house for naps or nighttime  and I busily sewed more mattress protectors and sheets for it.  Riley loved being in the clear plastic box in the hospital so I was optimistic about the box at home.  When I got her home however, I realized she loved the perspex box because she could see out of it, and putting her in the clean white cardboard box was worse than baby prison (aka a cot) and was more like baby mental asylum.  Suffice to say the two sleeps she had in the box cost me as much per night as a luxury hotel.  We found a great little co-sleeper with net sides that could sit in between us in bed that became her permanent home until her elbows touched the sides but when searching for the box replacement I stupidly purchase a bassinet sized baby prison because the maternal health nurse does an initial home visit and I wanted to keep up the appearance that we were following the western world baby rearing norm.  Again, a very high price for two naps and a maternal health nurse lookover.  It did however take the same size sheets I made for the box and was excellent storage for toys and crap you usually throw on the floor of the bedroom.  After doing my research on safe bedsharing practices and dropping the mummy guilt associated with it, Riley joined us in the king size bed with arms outstretched and smiles all around.  (I blogged here about our bed sharing.) We also never needed a baby monitor, cos y’know, proximity.

So you might not need a cot or a cardboard box. You definitely don’t need baby cutlery marketed at three month age intervals and yet I still have them in the drawer even though they are basically the same product! Sighs…  So what did you buy in preparation for your new baby but never used?

[dropcap type=”square”] M [/dropcap]iranda

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We’ve gone with cloth nappies.  I just hate the idea of wrapping raw sewage in plastic and sticking it in landfill.  Who actually reads the side of the pack and empties waste into the toilet first?  But I also wanted to be realistic and didn’t want to overload the workload when Riley first arrived home.  So we started with a bit of a hybrid, gradually increasing the amount of time per day Riley spends in cloth to the point where she’s a daytime cloth and nighttime sposie wearer.  We find the disposables at night keep her drier so we don’t have to change her and risk waking her overnight.   (Did you know you can also buy compostable disposable nappies?) Cloth nappies make financial sense over time and we’ve not had any issues doing a load of wash each day – quick pre-rinse for the nappies only then add in the regular stuff and wash as usual (warm not cold).  It’s all the rage to dry pail now (just a container with holes for ventilation) – no drowning hazards, no bacteria soup, no extra wear and tear on the elastics and believe it or none of the stench I expected.  The ‘fun’ ones get a rinse in the laundry sink and then stay there until the nightly wash.

Most cloth nappies nowadays are shaped just like a disposable and close with snaps or velcro and do not take a degree to assemble even if they come in a few pieces.  I initially invested in sized all-in-one nappies though because I was scared of all the options.  As my baby was born part heffalump, she outgrew the smalls within 6 weeks and was pushing out of the mediums at 6 months.  I’ve subsequently purchased multifit pocket nappies that I adore.  They change sizes with four easy snaps so suit from itty bitty bubby to toilet training toddler and the outers can be dried super quick (read: overnight) on the clotheshorse whilst the inserts are in the drier.  I sold on the sized nappies to finance my larger stash of the multifits.  I stuck with a single brand (Baby Beehinds) as they worked for me but found some of their styles fit her body shape better so do grab/borrow one or two of each format or brand you’re interested in and try them first then ramp up to them full time as you find the type that suits.  Cloth nappies make the most adorable fluffy butts and come in a delightful array of colors and patterns such that we’ve totally ditched pants in warmer weather.  On a moderate day long socks suffice because who’s got time for pants on and off all the time with the amount of nappy changes?  Although when it is pant’s weather you’ll usually need a size larger than expected, or to be selective style wise, to accommodate that extra cushioned butt  (And why do you have to change a nappy more often when the baby is young and you’re least experienced at it? Mother nature has a wicked sense of humor…)

We also use cloth wipes – cos its no extra effort if you’re already washing nappies.  They hold a lot more mess and for any dried on grime we’ve a water spray bottle to moisten them first.  A few packets of cheap flannels from a big chain store (we use the 12 for $5 from Baby Bunting) and you’re set.  For going out, we’ve a wet bag (waterproof bag) (with monkeys on it) (from Planet Wise) to bring home used nappies. Its got a pocket for clean nappies, wipes and cream, and a lined main bit for the not so clean nappies.

We have 17 nappies and wash every day, but could wash every second day and survive with that number now she’s a bit older.   We got a great wash routine from the facebook group Clean Cloth Nappies Down Under and have had no issues with staining, smells or washing out our nappy creams (MooGoo Nappy Balm and Grovia Magic Stick).  Beware the temptation to get all the patterns and colors though, as that’ll ruin their cost effectiveness (and yep – there is a heap of info out there that you still save when including water, electricity and washing powder costs).

The whole using cloth nappies process really hasn’t been the grueling ordeal I originally dreaded plus I get the enviro warm fuzzies and to look at a super cute tooshie.  And a final benefit: Its therapeutic folding them… well almost…  when you getting ‘help’ 🙂

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