|

I no longer weigh myself

^^ True statement.  I can’t remember the exact moment I stopped but I have roller derby to thank.

I grew up with my mum and sister, and I was the largest.  I remember them both looking in mirrors exclaiming themselves to be too fat yet when I pointed out that I was larger, the reply was always ‘I didn’t mean you’.  At the time it made no sense, if they were smaller than me and too large, then obviously I was too large and they did mean me.  Now I understand how the reply was also true as the judgement we are happy to throw at ourselves is a bazillion times more scathing than how we view others.

I was always just going to lose that last five kilograms (or work on losing 10% of my body weight at a time, as that was a healthier aim).  A number on a scale used to define me – I would be a better person somehow if that number diminished.  I would be liked more if that number was smaller.  I would be celebrated for reducing the number no matter how unhealthy it might be on my quest to do so.  I was told I ‘held’ my weight well (aka, you don’t look as crap as you could when you weigh that much), somehow it was even good that I was faking the number?!

Enter roller derby.

I’ve always had chunky thighs but when they are toned and muscular they look so different.  People say it all the time: muscle weighs more than fat.  And its true!  I was the same weight as I was at my heaviest but my measurements and body shape was totally different.  Suddenly the number didn’t matter, how I felt and what I could do was more important.  I stopped weighing myself. Those chunky thighs can propel me around the track at great speed, help me stay upright when I get a solid hit and allow me to send the opposition flying.  

I’m proud of what my body can do.  Its not perfect but its capable.  I don’t weigh myself. Ever. I have no idea how much weight I gained during my pregnancy last year because the obstetrician let me stand on the scales backward so I didn’t see the number. At my last doctor appointment, she commented I’d lost weight and asked me if I wanted to know – I did not. I was not even a little bit curious.  Not knowing, not wanting to know my weight- that’s liberating.

I don’t know how much I weigh. Its a good thing.

[dropcap type=”square”]M[/dropcap]iranda

 

My body doing stuff whilst not caring about my weight.

Share your story to support, encourage and inspire each other at thisgirlcan.com.au and you could be selected for the This Girl Can Victoria campaign launching in early 2018.  To connect with the This Girl Can Victoria community, use:

 

This Girl Can by VicHealth encourages women to get active: “This Girl Can celebrates women who are all kinds of active. Women who are giving their all, or giving it a go, but not giving a damn!” I am a This Girl Can Victoria Ambassador. However, the views expressed here are my views only and not those of VicHealth.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *