I come to you from Melbourne to the Mornington Peninsula
I come to you from Melbourne to the Mornington Peninsula

^^ True statement.  I can’t remember the exact moment I stopped but I have roller derby to thank.

I grew up with my mum and sister, and I was the largest.  I remember them both looking in mirrors exclaiming themselves to be too fat yet when I pointed out that I was larger, the reply was always ‘I didn’t mean you’.  At the time it made no sense, if they were smaller than me and too large, then obviously I was too large and they did mean me.  Now I understand how the reply was also true as the judgement we are happy to throw at ourselves is a bazillion times more scathing than how we view others.

I was always just going to lose that last five kilograms (or work on losing 10% of my body weight at a time, as that was a healthier aim).  A number on a scale used to define me – I would be a better person somehow if that number diminished.  I would be liked more if that number was smaller.  I would be celebrated for reducing the number no matter how unhealthy it might be on my quest to do so.  I was told I ‘held’ my weight well (aka, you don’t look as crap as you could when you weigh that much), somehow it was even good that I was faking the number?!

Enter roller derby.

I’ve always had chunky thighs but when they are toned and muscular they look so different.  People say it all the time: muscle weighs more than fat.  And its true!  I was the same weight as I was at my heaviest but my measurements and body shape was totally different.  Suddenly the number didn’t matter, how I felt and what I could do was more important.  I stopped weighing myself. Those chunky thighs can propel me around the track at great speed, help me stay upright when I get a solid hit and allow me to send the opposition flying.  

I’m proud of what my body can do.  Its not perfect but its capable.  I don’t weigh myself. Ever. I have no idea how much weight I gained during my pregnancy last year because the obstetrician let me stand on the scales backward so I didn’t see the number. At my last doctor appointment, she commented I’d lost weight and asked me if I wanted to know – I did not. I was not even a little bit curious.  Not knowing, not wanting to know my weight- that’s liberating.

I don’t know how much I weigh. Its a good thing.

[dropcap type=”square”]M[/dropcap]iranda

 

My body doing stuff whilst not caring about my weight.

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This Girl Can by VicHealth encourages women to get active: “This Girl Can celebrates women who are all kinds of active. Women who are giving their all, or giving it a go, but not giving a damn!” I am a This Girl Can Victoria Ambassador. However, the views expressed here are my views only and not those of VicHealth.

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